He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
