you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
he just fucked me for my cheese..
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
