just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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