He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
