Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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