oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
