I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
