Pappa wants mamma naked
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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