i just had sex bonerless
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
