Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
My breath smells like gin and sadness
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
