white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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