Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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