I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
it's like iHOP with fire
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
