ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
They are going to name an STD after you.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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