I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My cat gives me a boner
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
