so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
