I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
