that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
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If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
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I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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