The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
