I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Why did my mother make you get naked?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
