she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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