By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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