On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
