good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
