So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
