Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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