I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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