i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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