So drunk its hurt
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
