You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
