My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
