apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
