I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
