textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
