he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize