So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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