Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
