She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
