I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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