She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
