if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
