I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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