I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
then he tried to convert me to islam
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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