i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
