WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
