Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
