let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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