Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
