Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
