my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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