Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
