This dress was meant to end up on your floor
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
