my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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