Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
