Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
