if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
