i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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