she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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