I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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