Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
