i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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