I looked at my own cervix.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize