Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
