There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
