I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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