my mouth tastes like poor choices
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
