we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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