Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
