remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
