dude i'm inner monologue high
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
