I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
