happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
