So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
