i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i love accidental penises.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
