I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
