Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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