Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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